Damn, when you ask God to help make your deci­sion clear, be pre­pa­red for the results.

My hus­band and I have been strug­gling with whether or not I should go back to work full time next year.  Part of me thinks that having a full time income would be really nice.  It would help our family breathe as we pay our monthly bills.  It would give us enough to pay for eClaire’s preschool and addi­tio­nal child care for both kids.  It would not make us rich, but help us breathe.

On the flip side, in August my youn­gest will only be three and a half and will have two more years until she attends kindergarten.

She still needs her mom.

Addi­tio­nally, next year I will be in the last year of my Master’s pro­gram.  Next year will be the most time inten­sive year of the program.

My family still needs me.

But the small finan­cial inc­rease would be so nice…

My gut says that one more year of part time work would be perfect.

One more year.

It’s been on my mind so much that I’m having dreams at night of going full time in August and sho­wing up on the first day of school to blank desks, no plans and abso­lu­tely no idea what to do.  But then, like a knight in shi­ning armor, my teaching part­ner walks in the class­room door and saves the day.

One more year.  That’s all I want.

Well today I was gree­ted at work with a stan­dard let­ter asking what is my intent for next year.  Will I be wor­king full time or part time.

There’s that ques­tion again…except it is in wri­ting this time, not just a hypothetical.

So I say a pra­yer.  “God, please help me make the right deci­sion.  My heart says one thing yet my head says another.”

One more year, that’s all I want.  That’s all my heart wants.  One more year.

Well I sure can­not say that God doesn’t some­ti­mes slap you in the face.  Because he does.  My deci­sion became pretty clear.

In the form of a let­ter from my district.

Wai­ting on my coun­ter was a let­ter infor­ming me that my leave of absence is offi­cially up in June.  I will not be allo­wed to ask for an exten­sion and will either have to go full time or put in my resignation.

And so now I sit here, pra­yer answered.

One more year…that’s all I wanted.