In our house we outlaw words as often as we changed our underwear… almost every day.

The basics have been banned. You know, “What the hell” and “Damn it”. Even “Shit,” and “Oh my God!” are out.

But DAMage…not out. As passionately as BC tells me that it IS a bad word, I just don’t buy it. Yup, DAMage gets to stay.

Ya, we’re awful parents like that!

You know, the fact that our kids even know those phrases is a whole other topic that I probably shouldn’t get into today.

Ahem. But I digress.

“Shut up” and “Stupid” are crowd favorites here in the Bay Area.

But in our house? Yup. BANNED.

Poopyhead, MeanyPoopyHead, HeadyHeadyPoopyHead.

TOSSED like last night’s cookies.

A recent crowd favorite, “Goober.” GONE.

“What the HELL??” You might ask.

I know! Goober, of all words?

It was cute and all until BC got a timeout at the gym for shouting , “You’re such a goober!!” at a sweet little girl, promptly hurting her feelings.

OUT.

But the word that’s crept into our family’s mainstream vocabulary as quickly as my kids’ nails grow is DUH.

It was funny, like twice, which is precisely the reason that persistent little bugger has stuck around so long.

It’s always a solidifier when Mommy laughs her head off at her darling kids’ inappropriate behavior.

I’m not saying I DID that…but if I were to have been such a STUPID mommy, it might explain why my kids are so attached THAT word.

Hypothetical, of course.

Ahem.

Anyway, DUH is GONE. OUT. BYE BYE. Never to be heard from again.

…Until one day when I asked BC to put something on the sink.

“I already did that Mommy!! THE”

Excuse me??

THE??

As in DUH??

You gotta be kidding me!!??

So now I’m considering dumping one more word from our everyday life.

The.

But how can I get by without my the? It’s a handy stand by when I’m trying talk about THE situation at hand. Or when THE playroom is a mess and when I’ve asked my kids to clean it for THE eighteenth time.

X-ing out THE can really F*CK things up around here.

Wait. No, scratch that last sentence. F*UCK is automatically placed on the BANNED list of family life.

But you already knew that, didn’t you….THE!!