Part 2 of 3

Know It All.

This inter­nal dia­lo­gue haunts me, daily.

Why are you so opinionated?

Nanette, you are such a nag!

Why are you so con­tro­lling?  Bossy?  Why can’t you let it go?

You are so blunt, you need to sof­ten your words!

See, the funny thing is, I am bossy, con­tro­lling, opi­nio­na­ted.  I do speak my mind.

Howe­ver, if I let you behind the brick facade I’ve cons­truc­ted throughout the years, you’d find out that I’m terri­fied–to the core–to find out what peo­ple really think of me.

I fear the truth would con­firm what I’ve said about myself for years.

I’m not terribly easy going.  If I’m mad about something, I let you know.  If I feel that you are not being sin­cere with me, I tell you.

But inside, I cower.  I fear that I’m vie­wed as a con­tro­lling know it all.  Not as Nanette, a clear communicator.

I, as a thirty two year old woman, now believe that one of my grea­test strengths is spea­king truth­fully, directly, clearly, about what I want and need.  I don’t play games, and expect you won’t either.  If I ask your opi­nion.  I want the truth­ful answer.

Like­wise, if you ask mine, I’ll give it.

And even some­ti­mes when you don’t.

I’ve been told to tem­per this.  To ease up.  Be sof­ter, kin­der, ligh­ten the blow.  I’ve been told that my com­mu­ni­ca­tion style is not the right one…

Howe­ver, for me, I’ve deci­ded it is.  But then there’s this nag­ging voice inside, “Nanette, you are such a know it all.  No one really likes you.  They just tole­rate you.”