I’m back, Bitches…let’s talk panties!
So I’ve been slowly trying to upgrade my work wardrobe in an attempt to look more professional. I’ve purchased a few new shoes, shirts, and work pants. A few weeks ago, I was checking myself out in the mirror at work just as I was exiting the bathroom and noticed something quite horrible.
Panty lines.
Like, as in Granny Panty lines.
Not good.
That was the day that I decided it was time to try out the thong, again. They’ve never been comfortable, yet I seem to remember hearing, somewhere, that they could be.
And so I began my mission to find the perfect thong, for cheap.
My search took me to Kohls where I found signs that said things like, “Barely There.” or “You’ll never know they are on!” and, “No panty lines!”
That sounded good to me, so I began to investigate.
The fairly benign looking panties looked really thin.
check.
No tag.
check.
Cottonish.
check.
Inexpensive.
check.
I was willing to try fork over the cash to these girls out. But just to be sure, I bought a pair that was a size bigger than I would usually buy. (THE KEY TO A COMFORTABLE THONG, I discovered!! Trust me girls!)
I got home, washed them, and then tried them out.
The result? I swear. It’s like I’m not even wearing underwear. They are so comfortable.
AND no panty lines!!
I began strutting around the house, work, and play with an extra skip in my step and bounce in my errr butt.
Feeling good, I began changing out of my work pants and into my sweats as I bent over, barely covered with my newly donned thong, when my son said, “Wooo Mom, your butt has really gotten BIG!!”
.…
Um, excuse me? Oh no you didn’t!! I turned around and asked for him to repeat himself.
And he did.
So, as any good mom would do, I walked up to him, smacked him in the back of his head, and promptly changed back into my granny panties.
Ahem.
Kids.
I’m telling you, he is wrong. My butt is NOT getting bigger…I think.…I just feel more comfortable in a bigger size panty.… I swear! It’s not my butt… it’s the cut. I hope.
Despite the size of my rear, I’m thrilled with my new find and my lack of lines.
And there you have it folks… my first post in months, about my booty. Gotta love that!
Nicole Pelton said,
April 18, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
Love that this was the topic of your first post in a while. My kids all like to compare tummies, bigger is better so I win, ugh!
Nicole Pelton’s last blog post..The Loss of Maddie
Michelle Etter said,
April 18, 2009 @ 7:38 pm
LOL… glad your back. I guess I had better get my ‘booty’ on line too!
Peris said,
April 20, 2009 @ 3:42 pm
So the key is one size bigger.…maybe that is my problem…So you went to kohls and the brand is barely there.…????Just making sure before I go out and buy a pair.…thanks.
So glad you are back.
Peris’s last blog post..Beautiful Beach weather
bananas said,
April 22, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
All I can say is that i LOVE the title of this post.
bananas’s last blog post..He’s a Seattleite
moodswingingmommy said,
April 23, 2009 @ 7:00 pm
So funny! I just ventured back into the world of thongs myself. Yoga attire and VPL don’t mix very well. I bought myself a 3-pack for $ 9.99 at Target, and yes, I sized up. I am one happy panty-line free girl!
alison said,
April 24, 2009 @ 8:56 pm
Glad to see you back in the Blog world!
Schmeltzer said,
April 25, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
My first visit to your website and what a great topic. If you really want the truth, you should ask ME because my inner gay comes out.
Thong is best, but a surprising second best is boy shorts. Yes, they will also show panty lines, but anyone checking out your panty lines will think “Oh Look! Boy shorts! That’s so hot!”
Problem solved!
Robyn - Who's the Boss? said,
April 30, 2009 @ 9:25 am
Yay, your back. Literally. (cough cough)
I used to live in thongs before the kid, but now (sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun) it just isn’t comfy. Another option is to go pantyless, although that may be an educational lesson you don’t want to have to teach to your students in the case of a wardrobe malfunction.
Robyn — Who’s the Boss?‘s last blog post..toxic
Jessica (@It's my life...) said,
May 29, 2009 @ 11:05 pm
It’s just that he could, ah, see more of you… Ha!
I’m not there yet. I’m not sure I’ll ever be there. In fact, just the thought it making me squirm! LOL
Jessica (@It’s my life…)‘s last blog post..Friday Flashback — Roots all over the world
Amber said,
June 14, 2009 @ 8:19 pm
HA! I didn’t know you were blogging again and I checked tonight on a whim. Super funny! I have a few pair in the back of my drawer. I pick them up and look at them now and then, but usually toss them back to the back and grab for my grannies! Lucky for me, I don’t have to look professional at work!
Amber’s last blog post..My Bright Idea