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I can’t believe what I just read

I’m an Apple girl.

Today as I was scrolling through my Google Reader, I came upon Sara’s post from Suburban Oblivion. She recently wrote about being, or rather not being, the perfect parent. Today she piggybacked on this post by writing about kids who play independently vs. the ones whose parents are their playmate.

She writes:

I remember being as young as two or three playing outside by myself in a yard that not only was unfenced, but had train tracks running through the very back of the lot. I can feel the gasps from here– How did you ever survive?? Back then there was a clear line between kids and adults. Kids played, adults did whatever adults did. Adults did not schedule their entire lives around what the kids wanted. If they could work it in, great. If not, oh well. I can’t imagine a person of my parents generation spending the entire day shuttling kids back and forth to school, sports and playdates, even if they WERE a stay at home mom. Yet like so many of my own generation, that is exactly how my time is spent.

I’ve often struggled with this as well. I don’t always enjoy playing outside with my kids. I hate playing trains, and most of all, I hate when my kids can’t be independent. I know, I know. Rank me up there as a ‘bad parent’ but I don’t care. I have s**t to do! On top of rearing my kids, I have a house to manage, finances to keep up on, a husband to love, and a body to keep healthy. My sole job is not catering to my kids every whim.

So now I’ll bring this back to teaching. I have noticed that the kids these days are very different from the students of past generations. Students continually feel like it is their right to have an ongoing personal dialogue with the teacher, whenever they see fit. Often, very often, an assignment will be given and before a he even begins, the student is up at my desk saying, “I don’t get it.” As if trying but not completing the project exactly the way the teacher might want it would be a failure. Most teachers are so flexible, that we will take anything that resembles the previous directions.

It’s been know to happen that when giving my students free time, I have a child-or ten, come up and ask if I want to play with them. Uh, no! I don’t. Go make friends your own age!

I’m pretty sure that there are a few factors that lend themselves to this growing generation of dependent children.

1. Nanny’s helping to raise our kids. Can you imagine saying to your nanny, “Uh, ya. Can you allow my child to play independently? Feel free to watch a bit of TV today instead…” No, we expect them to entertain our kids! I know I do, each Monday that our nanny comes over.

2. Parents feeling the need to be playmate to their kids.

3. Smaller families.-giving us more time to devote to each child.

Sometimes the guilt overtakes us. I’ve been know to say to myself, “But BC is so distraught that I won’t go outside and watch him go down the slide.…”

Ultimately, I believe that by teaching our kids to be independent, we are arming them with good tools to become successful, strong, secure, and confident people.

http://rpc.technorati.com/rpc/ping

The Dependent Generation

I wasn’t really watching, but more listening. I’ve been preparing for a big party I’m having for Hubby tomorrow. But I listened as the program went through a segment where man blatantly steals a car in broad daylight, using a brick, golf clubs, etc. to smash the driver’s side window, while no one calls the police.

The next segment he breaks into a house, tells the neighbors exactly what he was doing while they do nothing.… Pretty crazy, but not all too surprising to me since we most of us live in a world now a days where we are so detached from our neighbors and community.

The last segment featured the same man, Wild Bill, a consultant for Dateline, with the permission of the children’s parents. He approached groups of kids, and attempted to isolate one of them by gaining the child’s trust with his puppy.

It was an interesting segment. He approached a group of girls, ages 8–12, and gave two of the three of them a CD and told the other one that he had one more in the car and he’d get it for her. This conversation took place after he allowing the girls to play with his puppy for awhile. The one girl without the CD, refused to go. Saying, “I don’t need one, thanks. We’re going to go play now.” and she and the other two girls left the scene.

My reaction was, “Ya, you go girl!” Then Wild Bill did the same thing with another group of girls, with the same reaction. The girls refused to separate and got spooked by him and left.

A similar experiment was done with a group of boys playing in their cul da sac. Wild Bill easily isolated one boy and had him lean over the trunk of his car to help him get something out. It would have been so easy for the little boy to have been taken.

Finally they did the experiment on a 12 year old girl who was instructed to watch her 5 year old brother in the front yard while mom prepared dinner. The girl wouldn’t get anywhere near the man, and when he asked for her help, she told him no and immediately said she their mom wanted her to do something inside. She “reminded” the 5 year old brother, grabbed him by the shirt and took him inside.

At this point I was sobbing. I’ve watched these “abduction” shows a hundred times. I’ve seen it all before. But this time, it struck me so differently. I imagined being a parent inside the house watching my son lean over the trunk of that man’s car. I imagined my daughter being put in that situation with a stranger. The fear of loosing my babies is so huge. To think that people are evil enough to hurt kids, is almost incomprehensible to me.

The psychologist on the program said that it didn’t surprise her that the girls refused to go along with the program and that some boys did go along with it. Her reason was that in our society it is looked down upon for a boy to show any fear, while there is no social stigma attached to girls showing fear. Hence the outcome of this experiment.

I’m a mom. Moms have this very strong desire to protect their own. Something inside us changes when we have that first kid. We can’t watch Hallmark commercials without tearing up. Anything involving a proud parent and child, makes us sob. But the thought of loosing our children is the worst fear imaginable. I copied the ten tips that Dateline NBC posted on their site to help keep your kids safe. They are below.

All are important, and I encourage you to read through each tip. But the one that really struck me as super important is the one on role playing. I know, from my experiences as a teacher, how very important role playing is. Good luck, and be safe!

10 safety tips every parent should know

1. The key is communication. It is important to talk openly with your children about all safety issues, including what to do in a potential abduction situation.
2. Knowledge is power: Talk to your children about the rules pertaining to strangers. Let them know a stranger or predator looks just like any other person and will use any number of ways to lure a child. Remember, the vast number of children who are victimized know their assailants.
3. Know the common predator lures: pretending to look for a lost pet; asking the child for directions; giving or promising candy and/or money if the child will go to their car; and, threatening to hurt family members if the child does not comply. When your child hears this, know that it’s time to run!
4. Never label clothing, backpacks, or other personal items such as jewelry with your child’s name. A predator will use this information to try to gain your child’s trust. (Place the label inside the object and/or use the child’s initials or some design for easy identification.)
5. Give your children instructions on what to do if they get separated from you in a mall, supermarket or any other public place. Tell them to first find a mother with children or any woman and let them know they are lost. Also they can go to a check-out counter, information desk, or approach a police officer.
6. Make sure that your child knows his or her full name, address, and phone number and the phone number for the place where you work or how to contact you. They also need to know how to dial 911, make collect calls, and dial the operator on a pay phone.
7. Know where your children are at all times, and keep a list of their friend’s names, addresses and phone numbers and remember to update your children’s records including a photo every 6–12 months. Be aware of overnight parties unless you personally know and trust the teens and adults living and having access to that home.
8. Trust your own instincts— if you don’t feel good about a person, keep your child away from that person.
9. Practice, practice, practice: Going over this information once with your children is not enough! You need to continue to rehearse and “role play” to make the learning permanent so your child can react properly when under pressure.
10. If your child is missing, try not to panic. First, check everywhere in the house, then check with your neighbors and your child’s friends. If you still cannot locate them, call the police immediately. Remember, there is no waiting period required to report a missing child to the police.

http://rpc.technorati.com/rpc/ping

Dateline NBC-Protect Your Kids