Today was no exception.  BC has been feeling pretty sick this week.  We’ve spent every day, since Monday, near a toilet.  Hubby said that BC had the flu.  I didn’t believe him.  Aside from the incessant runs, BC seemed fine.

Until today.

First I got this photo sent to me just before 8:00 A.M.  BC sleeping anytime besides after 7:30 P.M. is absolutely unheard of.  This was not a good sign.

Then I got a text.

eClaire has the runs.  BC does too.

Crap.

eClaire clearly caught what BC has.

Then I got this photo.

It was decided that the kids would have a “Movie in Pajamas Day”.

Unfortunately that picture was shortly followed by the following text.

BC threw up all over the bed and himself.  Now he’s throwing up in the toilet.  AND eClaire is on the other toilet with the runs.

Needless to say, it was a rough day here.  None of us really smiled much today. BC’s never experienced throwing up before.  It freaked him the eff out.  Seriously.  I guarantee he will remember today for the rest of his life.

Hubby was an angel.  There was minimal complaining, loads and loads of laundry, two baths each, and a clean house by the time I got home.

Angel.  He earned a place in bed with me tonight!  Hehe    Thank goodness it’s a king sized bed though… neither one of us wants to risk breathing on the other for fear of passing the plague!

Crossing my fingers for two healthier kids by morning… hoping, but not expecting.

At least my house doesn’t smell like vomit.

My daughter does.

In the car going over a bumpy road: My ba-gina is ti-i-i-i-ckling meee meee mee eeeee!

Sitting with a glass of water between her legs:  Ohh, ohh, ohh it is cold, cold, cold.  My ba-gin-a is cold, cold, cold.

And that’s only my daughter.  Let’s not even talk about all the new things my son has learned about himself.…

Son:  giggle giggle, look Mom, my wiener (new favorite word) is sticking out of my undies!!  That’s funny!!

Yes, Son, that’s funny.

Not.

Sing a song, sing it loud

Excuse me while I regroup.

OK, I’m good.

So as I was saying. Diapers are soo yesterday. Big girl panties, are in the now.

eClaire began her potty training journey just before the flu from hell hit our house and all but disabled her for nearly two weeks. During that time eClaire didn’t have energy to sit up, let alone try to potty on the toilet. And let’s not talk about the effects that flu had on her bowels.… Yes. Let’s just say that we skipped pull ups all together and went straight back to diapers.

Square one, again.

Once she healed from the flu, we were ready to being our diaper free journey again. Key word in the last sentence, we. As in Hubs and me. We, as in NOT eClaire. She was at the point where she still cried every time she tooted, (that’s lingo for gas in our house).

Now let’s just say that my dear daughter has a remarkable stubborn streak. I have no idea where she gets it from. coughHUBBYcough It couldn’t possibly me! No!! I’m so willing to bend. coughNOTcough

Since we required she wear undies during the daytime, she decided to stop pooping. Like for four days. Oh my goodness, you should have seen the size of her belly. And you can thank the Lord that you weren’t around to experience her whiny, crying outbursts during those days. She was un-com-fort-able! Oy, that belly!!

On a side note, it’s incredible how that child of mine can hold her pee ALL DAY LONG and only pee in her pullup during the night. INcredIBLE. But I digress…

So come nap time I inform ask eClaire that she would if she would be going go potty on the toilet before we put her pull ups on.

And then the hysterical tantrum began. Since I’m not one to back down from a tantrum, I thought Game On what a learning moment. Today I will BREAK HER eClaire will have the opportunity to potty on the toilet!! She will become Potty Trained TODAY.

But…I got weak in the knees. I couldn’t do it. I needed reinforcements.

Hubby came to the rescue.

He implemented Operation Potty Tantrum.

Hubby went into the bathroom and sat on the floor reading his magazine all the while totally ignoring eClaire with the occasional, “Sit down honey. You can get up once you’ve gone potty.”

A.N.G.R.Y SCREAM. MAD MAD TANTRUM A.N.G.R.Y SCREAM.

For like 15 minutes Hubby sat on that ground ignoring her tantrum, like the amazingly Supernanny–trained husband that he is, as I paced outside the door, pull up in hand and screaming “UNCLE!!”.

“It’s OK Honey. You can get up as soon as you pee.” (Remember, she hasn’t pooped in FOUR DAYS)

“AHHHHHHHHHH WAAAA BLAAAA Grunt, Grunt, Grunt WAAAAA BLAAAA AHHHH”

“Daddy, I just pooped! WAAAAA!!”

“Great job honey, now go potty.” Hubby sat there for a few more moments until eClaire reluctantly went potty, got her off the toilet and praised the bajeezus out of her. We all did the super happy (patented) Smiling Family Potty Dance* and sent her off to nap.

And that, my friends, is how eClaire became potty trained.

From that moment on eClaire has happily gone to the bathroom on her own accord.

I am diaper-free and filled with glee!

Operation Potty Tantrum complete, thanks to Hubby

*No, there will not be a video clip included!

Diaper-free and filled with glee

And.…now you don’t.

Um, ya. Did you notice that?? NO CHANGING PAD!!! And the DIAPER BAG is GONE!!!

Time’s a changing in the Smiling household folks. Times a changing!!

Now you see it…

To say I’m superstitious would be a very fair assessment of the situation. Lower your voices everyone.

Ready?

eClaire is beginning to go potty in the toilet.

Seriously.

When’s her second birthday? Oh ya, mid January!

Every night eClaire asks to go potty before I put her in her jammies. So lately I’ve been putting her on the toilet. She’s been giving a few potty drips a day which warranted the crazy mom and family dance around the house and a special sugary treat.

But last night when eClaire asked to go potty, my dear daughter let loose and peed, I mean really peed.

Smiling Mom was thrilled!

And then, as if it couldn’t get better, this morning eClaire stood up and said, “I go potty!”

I took off her jammies and diaper. She ran to the bathroom, hopped on the toilet AND WENT POTTY!! A LOT OF POTTY!

Ok, I’m whispering again, I just got very excited!

Smiling Mom did her obnoxious, “eClaire went pooottttyyy” dance and dished out the goods.

Is this the beginning of the end of diapers for me??? weeeeehhhhheeeee!!

Shhhh, I’ll only whisper…

I woke him up around 11:00 to go to the bathroom, and again at 4:30 when Hubby went to work.  But he stayed dry throughout the night.  Actually he’s been dry for the last few week hence last night’s attempt.

In the daze of the night I found myself saying:

SM:  Please, please don’t fall asleep on the toilet.

SM: I didn’t see the shake shake.  How am I suppose to know if you went potty yet?

SM: Make sure you push your penis into the toilet so you don’t spray me with potty.

SM: I know your penis is sticking straight out, but you still need to try to go potty.

SM: Good boy!  If you need to go potty, just get out of bed and go.  Don’t call for me, just go.  Then go straight back to sleep.

SM:  Please.  Straight back to bed.

Apparently I’m not the only one discussing bathroom issues these days!

The Pull Ups Pull Out

A friend’s son’s first birthday party. It’s 100 degrees outside. Yes, in April, one hundred degrees. We arrived just 10 minutes before. BC had already befriended a couple girls in their early twenties and was asking them to play. eClaire was dressed adorably in her baby doll red and white flower dress, coming just to her bottom with red briefs underneath. She was standing in the corner of the backyard, holding onto the fence, staring expressionless at the lady trying to make nice to her.

Could that be eClarie’s ‘poop’ face I see? Couldn’t possibly! eClaire already had a nice, mushy diarrhea just hours before. Damn molars. Na, she’s just being shy.

eClaire is feeling more comfortable, walks toward the rented circular table and says, “Hi,” to the lady who was previously making nice to her.

Smiling Mom: “Ah, that’s nice. She rarely talks with people other than those she’s most comfortable with.”

eClaire to me: “Up, peese” I love the manners on my 15 month old. Or maybe she just doesn’t know any different at this point.

I promptly lift her up to my lap. She’s clingy, and I feed into it. I just love having a daughter who wants to be cuddled by me.

She sits on my lap, and immediately gets down.

I look down ‚at my lap, to my cute new shorts and my inexpensive, yet stylish new tank top.

There is a puddle, Puddle of liquidy, chunky diarrhea laying on it.

Diarrhea number two of three for the day just happened.

That little shit.

That Little Shit

Getting right to the point BC says: Hey Grandpa

Gpa: What!

BC: I’ve got to go poo-poo.

Gpa: So, go.

BC: No, I want to go at your house.

(We live in Northern California and Grandpa lives in Southern California, 7.5 hours away)

Gpa: Sure, come on down, and you can go.

BC: OK, (turning to me) Mommy, we need to get in the car and go to Grandpa’s house.

The conversation continues for another minute or so about the same topic.

Finally Grandpa says: Hey BC, do you think you can hold your poo-poo until you get here? It’s a long drive.

BC: (5 second pause and an incredulous look on his face) NOOOO, Ew, that’s gross, Grandpa. I’m not going to hold my poo-poo. YUCK, (turning to me) Mommy, Grandpa told me to hold my poo-poo. Eww!!

Essentially BC was saying, “What kind of Dumb-A** tells his grandson to take his poop and put it in his hand? Does he think I’m stupid??” At this point all of us were in tears laughing. It couldn’t have been funnier!

Two days later, BC, Grandpa and I are still telling the story to anyone who will listen. I figured that I should probably document it so I remember to tell this tale at his graduation, wedding, or any other place I deem fit.

Do you have a funny “potty humor” story? Please leave me a comment telling me what was said or done!

What!? Hold My Poo-Poo?