Smiling Mom

This has been quite a year month for us.  Boy, what a year month!  Aside from a party, anni­ver­sary, and gene­ral sum­mer hoo­pla, we had to up and buy a bran span­kin’ new refri­ge­ra­tor. Ouch.

Um…Hello, unex­pec­ted cost!!  Didn’t see you coming!

The day our fridge died was the hot­test of the year thus far.

107 degrees in the shade.

And 65 degrees in our freezer.

Not a good thing.

Our past year has been much like our past month, Unex­pec­ted:  To date we’ve:

Repla­ced:

oven/stove, parts of our hea­ter, our water hea­ter, part of our fence, found a crack in the pipe under our house that must get repai­red (not done yet), a big com­pu­ter issue (read, would no lon­ger turn on)

Paid and need to pay for:

a new master’s pro­gram, a new year of preschool, an upco­ming vaca­tion, and a myriad of other small unex­pec­ted expenses

Wor­ked through:

a torn shoul­der, a repai­red shoul­der, an almost vasec­tomy, an actual vasec­tomy, and most recently my grandma’s imma­nent death of ova­rian cancer.

Wow.  Just typing makes me want to curl up in the fetal posi­tion and suck my thumb.

I’m tired.  And when I get tired, I retreat.  When I retreat, I become a bad mom.  When I’m a bad mom, I get angry.  When I’m angry, I become a bad wife.  And when I’m a bad wife, I become tired all. over. again.

On Thurs­day our family lea­ves for our first cam­ping trip of the sum­mer.  And it couldn’t come at a bet­ter time.  I hope to use my time to refo­cus on the impor­tant pie­ces of my life, (read: family and friends) and not sweat the huge gla­ring, pen­ding CRAZINESS going on back an home small stuff.  I hope to remind myself this to shall pass and some day we’ll look back on these years fondly as we remem­ber how we relied on love burri­tos and cheap wine and not much more to raise our kids to the best of our ability.

Some­day when my Master’s pro­gram is done, I’m back to work full time, and am armed with more know­ledge and matu­rity, I’ll pro­bably see that I didn’t have to have heart pal­pi­ta­tions, weeks of anxiety, and slee­pless nights worry as much as I did.

But for now, I’m in need of a few good vaca­tions.  And a whole lotta margarita!

First up: Our second annual cam­ping trip with our good friends.

Second up:  BlogHer BABY!!  Hey Roo­mies!!  So excited!

Third up: My dad’s con­fe­rence. Where I not only hope to enjoy the pool, but also learn more about being a good leader.

Fourth up: An adult Carib­bean vaca­tion WITHOUT KIDS. peo­ple.  without kids.  (Thank you air miles and nice sti­mu­lus check!)

Fifth up:  More cam­ping with Hubby’s family.

Ya.  So like I said, I’m in need of a vaca­tion, or five.

Dear Nanette:

Con­gra­tu­la­tions! Your appli­ca­tion for the Master’s degree and/or Tier 1 cre­den­tial pro­gram in the Depart­ment of Edu­ca­tio­nal Lea­dership at Cali­for­nia State Uni­ver­sity has been pro­ces­sed and I am plea­sed to inform you that you have been accep­ted in to the Edu­ca­tio­nal Lea­dership Pro­gram star­ting Fall 2008.

Deep breaths, Nette. Deep breaths.

As of August 25^th, I’m a part-time stay at home mom, part-time teacher, and part-time stu­dent. And part-time going insane.

Hubby and I deci­ded that now is the best time for me to go back and gain a Master’s degree. Now, when the kids are still small, when Hubby has a bit of say over his work sche­dule, and when I’m wor­king part-time.

Now, before the kids hit ele­men­tary school and my part-time gig is up.

My ulti­mate goal is to end up in administration.

There, I said it. I don’t want to be a teacher for the rest of my life. I LOVE teaching, but just can’t see myself doing it for the next 25 years.

So I’m taking steps right now to ensure I have the oppor­tu­nity to pur­sue a career in admi­nis­tra­tion when it fits our family.

Deep breaths, Nette, deep breaths.

How hard can a Master’s degree be? I mean, let’s be honest. Get­ting a BA in Libe­ral Stu­dies, Ele­men­tary Edu­ca­tion was SUCH a piece of cake for me. I took no less than 20 units each semes­ter. It was a breeze.

Honestly, I didn’t, not one sin­gle time, have to write a ten page essay. Not. Once. And let’s not even talk about the EASY math clas­ses teachers get to take…

This should be a breeze, right?

Right…

Right??!!

OH MY GOSH.…Please tell me I’m right.

It didn’t occur to me until lite­rally last week that I may actually have to WORK for my pen­ding degree. Like read BOOKS, do PROJECTS, and write PAPERS.…LONG papers.

Deep breaths.

So I enter this sum­mer, with exci­te­ment, anti­ci­pa­tion, and a fear beyond any I’ve felt for a long time.

I’m going to be a stu­dent again.

Holy Crap.

A stu­dent.

I fully expect the night of August 24^th I’ll have all kinds of wacky dreams where I head off to school without my pants on, arrive late without my books, and pro­bably have a screa­ming kid in tow.

Deep Breaths, Nette. Deep breaths.