If you are wondering what my title references, then you are no mother of a toddler! At lease one that lets your child enjoy the finer side off toddler-T.V.
The setup:
So eClaire, aka Swiper, has this problem. She eats an inordinate amount of food. I’m not kidding. She can down two large bowls of cereal or an adult sized portion of oatmeal for breakfast. If given a lunch she likes, she’ll eat a healthy portion for lunch, and a full meal for dinner; including meat, veggies, and bowls of rice, if I let her. Throw in at least two snacks and you’d think that my precious 16.5 month daughter already weighs 50 pounds. Not so. Only 24 lbs. Shocking, isn’t it?! This is not a growth spurt, just the way she has always eaten.
BC is a crabby waker-upper (thank you Hubby for passing on this genetic trait!) and is even worse when he is waken up against his will.
Unfortunately on Sunday I had had the honor of waking him up in the middle of his nap to attend a family birthday. I quickly devised a plan.
The Scene:
My kids capital L capital O capital V capital E mac & cheese, aka Noodlies! I made one box of Annie’s Mac & Cheese, which is not enough to feed my two kids a decent meal. It’s merely a snack. I fed eClaire half the box and prepped the other half in a bowl for BC.
eClaire was eating her noodlies nicely at the table so I deemed it an appropriate time to go into BC’s room to wake him up. I quietly walked in, sat on his bed and rubbed his back. When BC started to stir, I said hi and told him he had to get up so we can go to Aunt L’s birthday party. And, I made his favorite meal, Noodlies!
BC’s eyes popped open. “Noodlies?!” he exclaimed.
SM: Yes, but you can only have one bowl. It’s a big bowl, but you can’t have more.
He willingly agreed to this plan of action. All was right in the world of Smiling Mom.
BC quickly walked to the table and began enjoying his treat. At this point eClaire finished her bowl and was asking for more. I told her there was none left to have. Then I pulled her chair out so she could get down from the table by her independent self.
BC excused himself from the table to go potty, I left to finish straightening my hair in the bathroom. Do you see where this is going??
Just as I was reaching my hand over my shoulder for a job well done, I hear that scream. You know the one. BC’s blood curdling scream was coming from the kitchen followed by hysterical sobs.
SM: CRAP. Why is BC crying?
I walked out of my bathroom into the hallway just in time to see Swiper darting into her bedroom holding an overflowing bowl toddler crack noodlies. Her eyes shot left, then right. She spotted me and sprinted to her finish line. But unbenonst to eClaire, a shoe was in her path, foiling her escape and launching that precious bowl of happiness into the air.
In slow motion I saw my afternoon plans crumble before my eyes. I heard myself shout, “Nooooooo!” and leaping the four feet distance between eClaire and myself in a single bound. I swooped up eClaire and put her into her crib. All at the same time I was saying, “I got the noodlies BC, DON’T WORRY! don’t worry.”
BC finally began calming down and sat himself back at the table while I scrambled on hands and knees picking up every last damn noodlie off the floor. As I walked back to the kitchen, picking brown dog hairs out of the only thing that will get my son to snap out of his after nap slump, I began to smile.
Damn, I’m good.
BC thanked me for saving his noodles and the tears dried up.
Smiling at my fantastic fourth-quarter save, I walked back into the kid’s room and took eClaire out of her crib.
I had but one thing to say to her:
“Swiper, no swiping!”
