Smiling Mom

In our house we outlaw words as often as we changed our underwear… almost every day.

The basics have been banned. You know, “What the hell” and “Damn it”. Even “Shit,” and “Oh my God!” are out.

But DAMage…not out. As passionately as BC tells me that it IS a bad word, I just don’t buy it. Yup, DAMage gets to stay.

Ya, we’re awful parents like that!

You know, the fact that our kids even know those phrases is a whole other topic that I probably shouldn’t get into today.

Ahem. But I digress.

“Shut up” and “Stupid” are crowd favorites here in the Bay Area.

But in our house? Yup. BANNED.

Poopyhead, MeanyPoopyHead, HeadyHeadyPoopyHead.

TOSSED like last night’s cookies.

A recent crowd favorite, “Goober.” GONE.

“What the HELL??” You might ask.

I know! Goober, of all words?

It was cute and all until BC got a timeout at the gym for shouting , “You’re such a goober!!” at a sweet little girl, promptly hurting her feelings.

OUT.

But the word that’s crept into our family’s mainstream vocabulary as quickly as my kids’ nails grow is DUH.

It was funny, like twice, which is precisely the reason that persistent little bugger has stuck around so long.

It’s always a solidifier when Mommy laughs her head off at her darling kids’ inappropriate behavior.

I’m not saying I DID that…but if I were to have been such a STUPID mommy, it might explain why my kids are so attached THAT word.

Hypothetical, of course.

Ahem.

Anyway, DUH is GONE. OUT. BYE BYE. Never to be heard from again.

…Until one day when I asked BC to put something on the sink.

“I already did that Mommy!! THE”

Excuse me??

THE??

As in DUH??

You gotta be kidding me!!??

So now I’m considering dumping one more word from our everyday life.

The.

But how can I get by without my the? It’s a handy stand by when I’m trying talk about THE situation at hand. Or when THE playroom is a mess and when I’ve asked my kids to clean it for THE eighteenth time.

X-ing out THE can really F*CK things up around here.

Wait. No, scratch that last sentence. F*UCK is automatically placed on the BANNED list of family life.

But you already knew that, didn’t you….THE!!

OK, first of all this whole incident started with a voice booming from our back room, “No way!! BC You CANNOT wear that!!”

I say, “Hub, I usually let BC dress himself.”

“Uh, Nette? He ’s wearing tights.”

At that exact moment I was taking a sip of my tea.

My tea ended up all over my end table. Hub and I laughed until I almost peed. Then I asked BC to pose for a picture.

This is what I saw:

Just as I snorted, it’s the German in me-my mom says, eClaire pushed BC out of the way to say, “Ohh look at me, I’m sooooo cute.”

BC then eeked his way back into the picture to show me his HUGE muscles. And his tights. For the record, those “tights” are just long socks pulled up above his knees. His favorite way to wear them is with a pair of shorts and his Lightning McQueen Water Shoes… Zexy, I know!

Then eClaire is all, “Oh but I’m not just cute. I’m funny too! Look! Look! I’m FUNNY, Damn IT.” Well, she might not have said Damn It today.

And then she was all, “BC touched me!! He looked at me sideways, and I don’t like him.”  I rolled my eyes.

And she was like, “DON’T LOOK AT ME BC!! You ruined my life!! Why did you have to be such a pain in the butt brother!!???” Ahem…. excuse me. I may be channeling my own sibling angst here… I digress. Hi Uncle J… love you!

And then BC’s all, “OH NO SHE DIN’T”

And then eClaire decided she had enough, “MOMMY!!!! Waaaaa! Why are you laughing?? It’s NOT FUNNY!”

Aaaand Scene.
On a more positive note, when BC was asked to get a sweatshirt because it was still a bit chilly outside, he ran into his closet to get his favorite sweater.

Ya.

Bwhaahaahaa!! A future in fashion? I think not. Hey, at least he pulled his socks down, at Dad’s request!

Here’s a few highlights of the week:

Hubby Santa had the genius idea to buy window markers and give it to the kids in their window stockings. In San Diego. At my parents house. With no less than 50 windows and French doors. I’m not exaggerating on that number either!

Smiling Mom Mrs. Clause knew her dad well enough and, let’s be honest, her kids well enough, to know that markers on a window and children at my parents house made for bad juju. (You are WELCOME Dad!) She made an executive decision not to put the those markers into their stockings.

Hubby found them yesterday.

Ahem.

Then eClaire found out that not only did the pink marker make for great abstract art, but it also made for a great lipstick color.

Ya. So…. That was fun!

My kids are such budding artists!

Oh! Oh!

And then today! My daughter thought she’d “help” (quote fingers implied) me make cupcakes for her upcoming birthday party! It was so much fun!! Having her help, I mean!! Look at what she did!!

Fun huh??!!

Yes. That is a bite mark. But wait there is more!

FIVE Cupcakes!! Thank goodness for frosting. No one will ever know the difference. hehehe

Frosting solves all problems.

Well..

Except for this one.

You see, I have this incredibly cruel sense of humor. I love to take pictures at totally inappropriate times.

Like just after eClaire gets off of time-out for EATING MY CUPCAKES!! Do you see the chocolate up on her forehead?

So funny!!

…I mean, so sad

But really, you couldn’t get a more pathetic picture if you tried!

And to answer the question that’s on all your minds, Yes. I’m already saving for her looming therapy sessions.

I love me some Santa Torture.  It makes for great pictures!!

eClaire: AHHHHHHHH

BC: OK Santa, I know I wrote you, but I want some Lightning McQueen water shoes….Ice Skates… NOT a Barbie Princess Doll!!  But you can give that to my sister……

eClaire: AHHHHHHHHHH

BC: And….Also…..One more thing….

eClaire: AHHHHHHHHHH