Smiling Mom

You know you’re a mom when your son runs out of his room, drops his pants, bends over, spreads his cheeks and says, “Mom, my butt hole tic­kles and I can’t get it to stop.”

What the frick??  Seriously?

My solu­tion?  I took his pajama bot­toms, loo­ped my fin­ger under the fabric and wiped his butt.  I know, classy!

Unfor­tu­na­tely it was still tic­kling, so I told him to go into the bath­room and wipe again.  BC then informs me that it’s my fault that his butt was tic­kling because I didn’t wipe him good enough earlier.

My fault?  That my 4 year old’s butt was tickling??

Again…what the frick??

Once the pro­blem was sol­ved he ran back out to the living room to drop trough and show me his newly clea­ned butt.  At this point I was simply laughing too hard to check it again.

Seriously, this was not in the han­dout when I deci­ded to forgo birth con­trol and become a mother!

On Fri­day BC told Hubby, “Hmm.  Today I will go to school without crying.”

You little shit.

For weeks he’s been thro­wing the worst of tan­trums at the men­tion of school.  Let’s not talk about the peel the child off the parent tac­tic that his teachers had to enact.

Fri­day?  Fine.

Part (a LARGE part) of me is thrilled.

Part (a LARGE part) of me is pissed.

Now if only he’ll ‘decide’ to take his time-out like a man. 

Ima­gine my sur­prise today when my dar­ling four year old son says to my impres­sio­na­ble two year old daugh­ter, “See that eClaire?  That’s out­fit is sexy.  It’s SO sexy!”

?????? Um, ok.…

I actually disa­gree!!    I believe this is sexy.  Oh and so is this.  And oddly, this as well…

But my first link is sexy enough to be revi­si­ted here.

Huh?  Don’t you agree!  SEXY!!!

I’m not sure if this inci­dent high­lights my not so highly per­fec­ted set of paren­ting skiz-zles, or my ina­bi­lity to keep friendships alive… but I know there is a les­son to be lear­ned here somewhere.…

The scene: Hubby pulls out our mons­ter CostCo sized bag of M&M’s, giving BC and eClaire their own bowl.  Which just about knoc­ked them over with delight!  (Ama­zing what a bit of sugar depri­va­tion will do to my kids!!) And here’s the kicker…he lea­ves the bag, open and on the coun­ter.

Um hello!!?  Doesn’t my dear hunk-a-burning-love know that I lack the abi­lity to resist my M&M’s???

As I pass by this quickly deplea­ting bag for the THIRD time I casually say, “Um, Babe, don’t you think it’s a bit foo­lish to leave the huge bag of M&M’s OPEN and on the coun­ter?  It’s prac­ti­cally screa­ming EAT ME!”

Which prompts my WTF moment.

My dear boy, BC, turns to his new hero, Daddy, and says, “You don’t have to lis­ten to her, Daddy.  Just bump her to voicemail.”

Um, hello?  I am stan­ding right here!