Smiling Mom

Hubby: (after a cup of cof­fee and bowl of oat­meal) Well, I’m going to go drop the kids off at the pool.

BC: What?  We are going swim­ming?  Are you going to drop us off and then leave?

Hubby: Uuh, ya.

BC: Why?  Why won’t you stay?   Daddy, why are you going into the bathroom?

I’ve com­pi­led a list of the best searches that have sent poor unsus­pec­ting know­ledge see­kers to my little ‘ol site. I’ll try to ans­wer their ques­tions to the best of my ability.

And now for The best of Goo­gle:

things to do to peo­ple for amu­se­ment (are you my mom)

a. No. I am not your mom.

b. I like to creep up behind them with my car and hit them. (#4 on the list)

stu­pid things to do on the plane

Um, how about taking two kid ages 20 months and two months on the plane, alone for a flight across the state. Then get­ting right back on that damn plane again one month later to do the same thing. Now that my friends, is stupid.

rece­pie for play­doh (no that is not my misspelling)

Yes, my recipe is pro­bably bet­ter than yours. You can use it if you’d like.

honesty about penis vagina

I noti­ced that you, dear Goo­gle Infor­ma­tion See­ker, spent 5 minu­tes and 21 seconds on my site. Did you find what you nee­ded? If you didn’t, here’s my ver­sion of an education.

1. The penis is loca­ted in the man’s nether regions. It gene­rally likes the vagina.

2. The va-jay-jay is loca­ted in the woman’s nether regions. It’s gene­rally used as some sort of a bar­gai­ning chip for women.

3. When the man cleans the house/takes the kids away for hours alone/ cooks din­ner etc. for the woman *without com­plai­ning* (key com­po­nent) the two body parts will most cer­tainly meet and con­nect for a quick thank you dance.

4. You are welcome.

she is hyper orga­ni­zed and labels everything in her cupboards

Not my cup­boards. But I do go nuts with my labe­ler. It’s my dres­ser dra­wers that I am obses­sed about labe­ling. I do this so Hubby will put my clothes away in the correct pla­ces… Orga­ni­zed? No. Con­tro­lling? Yes.

cabood­les nameplate

Um, helloooo. I said I’d never talk about this emba­rras­sing purchase again!! But, if you are inte­res­ted in purcha­sing me a per­so­na­li­zed name plane for my caboodle, I’d LOVE to give you my information!!

Ahem. OK, I’m Back. Let me try this again…

Caboodle? What caboodle? I got no stin­king caboodle.

Scene:

BC and Smi­ling Mom wai­ting in line. Smi­ling Mom is enga­ging BC in con­ver­sa­tion in an attempt to keep him enter­tai­ned as it is past lunch time, with no food, and gro­wing dan­ge­rously near nap time.

BC: Mommy? (Said loudly)

SM: Yes Dear.

BC: (Regar­ding the lady stan­ding 1/2 foot in front of me) Why is that lady black?

SM: (Sin­king slowly into the ground) Because that’s the color of her skin.

Black Lady: Chuc­kles and smi­les at me.

SM to BL: Wow, he’s never asked that before.

BL: How old is he?

SM: Just tur­ned three.

BL: (Nods knowingly)

I sus­pect this is not the first time this has hap­pe­ned to her.

BC: (a few minu­tes later) Mommy, why is her skin black.

SM: Because it is, BC.

Lord help me raise this child to his fourth birthday.

…you should not hyphe­nate your name if you are one of the follo­wing couples.